for sale: 2b/2b townhome, friendly neighbors, clear air

6 10 2009

If you’re a parent, you have probably found at least one, if not all, children’s television shows to be ridiculous.  I mean, there’s large talking dinosaurs, creepy extra-terrestrials who worship a baby in the sun, and over-enthusiastic singing Australians.  Ridiculous.

Regardless of the intended “message” of any show, there is always an underlying “accept everyone” theme in all of them.  That in itself is ludicrous.  Well-intentioned, surely a good lesson, but also: never going to fucking happen.  Look.  Most humans cannot even accept another human who happens to have different-colored skin, so what do you think would happen if a large talking dinosaur with skin (scales?) in an offensive magenta color walked up and told you to share?  Exactly– The only thing you’d be sharing is expletives and ammunition.

The irony of it is that while shows like Sesame Street are trying to teach kids about reality, hard decisions, doing what’s right, real life, etc., they are not realistic at all.  HELLO, MR. HOOPER, YOU LIVE ON A STREET WHERE COLORFUL, FURRY, SPEAKING CREATURES ROUTINELY LOITER IN YOUR PLACE OF BUSINESS.  In real life, that’s called Baltimore, and in real life, the cops get called.  I always thought Linda was waiting anxiously for a second alone so she could call in the National Guard and quarantine Sesame Street.  “Yes, I need help.  A large canary and a bashful woolly mammoth have occupied my block.  NO, EVERYTHING IS NOT A-OK!”

I propose that these shows start teaching something useful.  Maybe computer programming… financial management…  real estate?  I betcha Maria and Luis would like to sell their townhome, move to Yonkers, and enjoy their golden years without Elmo beating down their door all day.

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