absentee blogging

21 05 2010

Today I can be found hiding over at the donut shop, also known as How To Eat.  I have world-changing things to say about sandwich-salads.

Alright, world.  We need to talk.  See, I just went to the grocery store and came across The Most Disgusting Thing In The History Of Food (hereafter referred to as The Abomination):  a ham salad sandwich.  We’ll come back to The Abomination, but first I think we need to have a long, heartfelt talk about what are acceptable types of “salad” and what are not.

So, you know… GO.  Read it.  Become hungry.  Eat something other than ham salad, you wretched fuck.


apropos of nothing

20 05 2010

So.  Life.  It’s funny.

The past year has been so unpredictable.  And I am not sure that I’d have it any other way, you know?  I mean, sure, there have been tough times.

But I wouldn’t want a boring, predictable life.  I will be glad to have these stories, when I’m old.


Do you feel sorry for people who think that Fourth Meal at Taco Bell is okay?  I do.  I mean really.  Do you really need a Fourth Meal?  At 1am?  And do you think it should be Taco Bell food?

…she says as she takes a swig from her ninth Coca-Cola of the day.


A week or so ago my daughter climbed into her carseat and a beetle landed on her knee.  She FLIPPED out.  Now every morning when she gets in the car, she takes a second to look around and reassure herself… “No beetles!”  With a tone that says she’s not quite convinced– Just hopeful.


I am bursting with cool news.  Well, cool for me.  I am pretty excited about it.  I can’t publicize it quite yet.


Summer approaches quickly.  This thrills me.

on early failures

7 05 2010

This morning.

Me:  “Child!  Let’s get a move on!  You’re going to miss the bus!”

Him, from behind closed bathroom door:  “I’m pooping.  It won’t stop!”

Me:  “… Ooookay.  Just, try and hurry.”

(… We miss the school bus.)

Him, woefully from the backseat:  “My goal in life was to not let shit ever slow me down, and I just failed.”

Five Star Friday