absentee blogging

21 05 2010

Today I can be found hiding over at the donut shop, also known as How To Eat.  I have world-changing things to say about sandwich-salads.

Alright, world.  We need to talk.  See, I just went to the grocery store and came across The Most Disgusting Thing In The History Of Food (hereafter referred to as The Abomination):  a ham salad sandwich.  We’ll come back to The Abomination, but first I think we need to have a long, heartfelt talk about what are acceptable types of “salad” and what are not.

So, you know… GO.  Read it.  Become hungry.  Eat something other than ham salad, you wretched fuck.

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apropos of nothing

20 05 2010

So.  Life.  It’s funny.

The past year has been so unpredictable.  And I am not sure that I’d have it any other way, you know?  I mean, sure, there have been tough times.

But I wouldn’t want a boring, predictable life.  I will be glad to have these stories, when I’m old.

*

Do you feel sorry for people who think that Fourth Meal at Taco Bell is okay?  I do.  I mean really.  Do you really need a Fourth Meal?  At 1am?  And do you think it should be Taco Bell food?

…she says as she takes a swig from her ninth Coca-Cola of the day.

*

A week or so ago my daughter climbed into her carseat and a beetle landed on her knee.  She FLIPPED out.  Now every morning when she gets in the car, she takes a second to look around and reassure herself… “No beetles!”  With a tone that says she’s not quite convinced– Just hopeful.

*

I am bursting with cool news.  Well, cool for me.  I am pretty excited about it.  I can’t publicize it quite yet.

*

Summer approaches quickly.  This thrills me.





on early failures

7 05 2010

This morning.

Me:  “Child!  Let’s get a move on!  You’re going to miss the bus!”

Him, from behind closed bathroom door:  “I’m pooping.  It won’t stop!”

Me:  “… Ooookay.  Just, try and hurry.”

(… We miss the school bus.)

Him, woefully from the backseat:  “My goal in life was to not let shit ever slow me down, and I just failed.”

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