i put the FUN in funeral

23 07 2010

Let’s talk about what is going to happen in the event of my death.  No, I am not dying tomorrow.  I’ll be 27 in a month though, and it is possible I will die shortly after that.  When I die, it is (obviously) up to someone else to handle my death party.  I do want my dear friends and family to be able to have some fun with my corpse– Let’s just get all the necrophilia jokes out of the way now.  You done?  Thanks. –before I start to decompose.  Assuming my body is in one piece (because I’d like to go out in a way that leaves me mangled, but that’s a post for a different day), there are many fun things you can do with a body before it gets too rank.  Let’s discuss…

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20 07 2010

Last night I was putting my kids to bed and they were displeased with me for that. They staged a coup and I nearly ended up incarcerated.

OK, that’s an exaggeration, but it had the neighbors huddled and whispering to each other on their driveways.

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(what i’m saying is: yes, i eat like this all the time and stress has nothing to do with it and don’t question my love for cupcakes unless you like a good shanking)

19 07 2010

music as a metaphor for humans as a metaphor for me wishing humans were more like a good song

17 07 2010

I was sitting around enjoying a sno-cone earlier with my kids and listening to some newly acquired music.  In between the requests from my kids to see how purple my tongue had become, I was thinking about what key things I look for in my never-ending quest for good jams to air guitar listen to…  They are as follows:

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the truth keeps callin’ me and i’m gonna live to tell the story

15 07 2010

In a former life (as in, back when I was gainfully employed) I was in charge of about 150 pieces of heavy-haul equipment (semi-trucks and accessories) that were leased to clients nationwide.  I handled tracking them, making sure they were insured, registered, and keeping in general contact with the lessee so they did not just disappear from the face of the planet while in possession of our $100,000 trucks.  And sometimes… Nay, often, as the economy started taking it’s downturn screaming nosedive…  Often it was my job to coordinate and carry out repossessions.

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future pussies of america

13 07 2010

There is no such thing as the perfect parent.  I know that.  I’m not exempt from that statement.  I have and will continue to make mistakes in raising my children.

But fuck, America, you’ve got to do a little better than this.  Generally speaking, America is raising a bunch of wussbags.  Yeah, I’ll say it:

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beachy keen

12 07 2010

My kids and I were going pretty much stir crazy this week as record heat of the hot type kept us indoors.  Pasty Irish people like us do not fare well in the humid hotty hotness.

Unfortunately, after about two days of that, the wee crib midgets were ready to kill each other, me, and possibly the local weatherman and it became apparent that I needed to bust out my SPF Shirt-In-A-Can and brave the heat just so they’d have somewhere new to bicker.

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